a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
