I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
