i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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