Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
