she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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