Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
