I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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