just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
