Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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