wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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