Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
