Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
