i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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