Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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