The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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