I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
