there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
