That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Randomize
