dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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