remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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