I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
