Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
