You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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