He disabled his match.com account in front of me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
