you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
