fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
