Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
