omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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