take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
