He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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