HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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