mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
