He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
