i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
