I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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