billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
