I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
