Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
