She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
