Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
