it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
