my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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