Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
