i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
