its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
