did you get engaged???
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
