this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
