Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
