You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
