i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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