I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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