The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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