He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
