My hand turned me down
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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