i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
